Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
