i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
