how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
