Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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