so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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