She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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