A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
