I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
