Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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