You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
