I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
