Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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