I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
