I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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