You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
a search helicopter?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
