is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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