arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
