Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
