I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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