Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
