Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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