"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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