i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
