Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
