I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
