how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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