look no pants
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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