Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
