I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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