so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
