i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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