I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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