He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
