Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
