jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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