guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
