Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
