Nicole vs. Life
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
