ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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