and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
