Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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