shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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