Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
