R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
