I understand Curling. That high.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
