Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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