How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
