I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
