I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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