She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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