Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
