one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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