Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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