i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
