**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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