he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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